The Decision Filter

The Problem:
You're stuck. Big decision, small decision, doesn't matter—you can't pull the trigger.
Not because you don't know what you want. Because you're running the choice through everyone else's value system except your own.
Time to filter the noise.

THE THREE QUESTIONS

Before you say yes. Before you commit. Before you buy, join, agree, or sign up—ask these:

1. Whose script am I following?
What story is driving this choice?

"Successful women do X"
"Good mothers always Y"
"At my age, I should Z"
"People like me don't..."

If you can name the script, it's not your choice. It's programming.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

2. Whose approval am I seeking?

Who are you trying to impress, please, or prove something to?

Parents (living or dead)?
Partner?
Kids?
Friends?
Colleagues?
Social media?
The imaginary jury in your head?

If you're choosing for applause, you'll resent it later.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

3. Whose life is this?

Strip away the script. Strip away the approval.
What do YOU actually want?
Not "what should I want."
Not "what would a better version of me want."
Not "what would make sense."
What does THIS version of you, right now, actually want?
If the answer makes you uncomfortable, you're getting close to the truth.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

HOW TO USE IT

Practice Decision:
Something you're currently stuck on: _______________________________

Question 1: Whose script? __________________________________________

Question 2: Whose approval? _______________________________________

Question 3: What do I actually want?_________________________________


Now look at your answers.

If Questions 1 and 2 are driving the choice → That's a script decision. Not yours.
If Question 3 conflicts with 1 and 2 → You're at war with yourself. The script wins until you choose differently.
If Question 3 is clear → That's your answer. Everything else is noise.

EXAMPLES:

Decision: Should I go back to school?
Whose script? "Successful people keep learning/I should have done this years ago"
Whose approval? Kids, hoping they'll be proud/proving I'm still relevant
What do I actually want? I don't. I want to write, but going back to school feels more legitimate.
Real decision: Stop asking permission to write. Start writing.

Decision: Should I leave my marriage?
Whose script? "Don't give up/marriage takes work/you made a commitment"
Whose approval? Parents/church/kids/what will people think
What do I actually want? I want peace. I want to stop performing. I want out.
Real decision: You already know. The question is when you'll stop negotiating with the script.

Decision: Should I quit my job without another one lined up?
Whose script? "Responsible adults have security/don't be reckless/that's privileged"
Whose approval? Dad's voice about money/proving I'm stable/not being judged as impulsive
What do I actually want? Space to figure out what I actually want to do with my life.
Real decision: How much runway do you have? What's the experiment you can afford to run?

The Truth:
Most of your stuck decisions aren't about lack of information.
They're about conflicting loyalties—between the script you inherited and the life you actually want.
You can't serve both.
Every time you choose the script, you abandon yourself a little more.
Every time you choose yourself, the script gets quieter.

Now what?
Use this filter on your next three decisions. Even small ones.

Should I go to that event?
Should I take that project?
Should I have that conversation?

Run them through. Watch what happens when you start choosing based on YOUR life, not someone else's script.

Ready to stop negotiating with scripts?
Take the Midlife Reset Tool to identify which scripts are running your decisions. Then get the 7-day challenge to filter the noise and start choosing based on what YOU actually want.
Stop performing their life. Start living yours.