The People-Pleaser Calculator

Instructions: For the next 3 days, track every time you do something primarily for approval, acceptance, or to avoid conflict. Be honest—this isn't about shame, it's about seeing the pattern.

Day 1-3 Tracking:

Time:__________________________ (Example: 9am.)

What I did:____________________________________________ (Example: Said yes to committee I don't care about)

Whose approval?_____________________________________ (Example: Boss/colleagues/family)

Time spent: __________________________________________ (Example: 2 hours)

Energy cost (1-10)______________ (Example: 7)

Common People-Pleasing Behaviors:

* Saying yes when you mean no
* Over-explaining your decisions
* Apologizing for things that aren't your fault
* Doing work that isn't yours
* Softening your opinion to match the room
* Staying quiet when you disagree
* Offering help no one asked for
* Texting back immediately (even when you're busy)
* Making yourself smaller so others feel comfortable
* Laughing at jokes that aren't funny

After 3 Days: Calculate the Cost
Total hours spent: _____________
Total energy points (add up all ratings): _______________
Most common person/group you're pleasing: _______________________________
Hardest truth about what you saw: _______________________________

THE REAL NUMBERS:
If you spent 10+ hours in 3 days people-pleasing, that's 1,200+ hours per year.
That's 50 full days of your life spent performing for approval.
If your energy cost averaged 5 or higher, you're not just spending time—you're hemorraghing life force.

Now what?
Pick ONE person or situation where you're bleeding the most energy.
That's where you practice your first "no." Not a perfect no. Just a no.
Watch what happens. Most of the time? Nothing. The world doesn't end. They survive. You survive.
That's how you start taking your power back.

Ready to stop performing?
Take the Midlife Reset Tool to identify all the scripts running your approval-seeking behavior.
Then get the 7-day challenge to torch the people-pleasing pattern at its root.
No more performing. No more shrinking. Just you, choosing yourself.