The Rage Map

The Problem:
You're angry. Not dramatic anger—quiet, constant, simmering anger.
At your partner. Your kids. Your job. The dishes. Traffic. Everything.
But you can't say why. Or you say something small when the real thing is huge.
That's not an anger problem. That's a boundary problem.

HOW RAGE WORKS
Anger is information. It's your body screaming: "Something here is wrong and you keep allowing it."
Every time you swallow it, dismiss it, or perform niceness over it—it doesn't disappear. It accumulates.
This map shows you what you're actually angry about.

Instructions: For one week, track your anger. Every spike. Every simmer. No judgment.

Daily Rage Log:
What triggered it? Rage level (1-10) What I said/did. What I actually wanted to say/do
_______________________ _______________ ____________________________ _____________________________________
Example: Partner left mess 8 Cleaned it silently, felt resentful "I'm not your maid. Clean your own shit."

Common Rage Triggers:

* Being interrupted/talked over
* Being volunteered for something
* Someone else's poor planning becoming your emergency
* Repeating yourself for the hundredth time
* Doing someone else's emotional labor
* Being told to "calm down" or "relax"
* Someone taking credit for your work
* Your time being treated as less valuable
* Being expected to perform gratitude
* People assuming you'll say yes

After One Week: Connect the Dots
Go through your log. For each rage moment, ask:
What need wasn't being met?

Respect?
Autonomy?
Rest?
Recognition?
Space?
Fairness?
Being heard?

What boundary was violated?

My time
My body
My energy
My voice
My space
My worth
My choice

THE PATTERN:
Most common trigger: _______________________________
Most common unmet need: _______________________________
Most common boundary violation: _______________________________
Person/situation that shows up most: _______________________________
What you keep doing instead of speaking: _______________________________
What this pattern is costing you: _______________________________

THE TRUTH:
You're not angry at the dishes, the traffic, or the minor inconvenience.
You're angry at:

* Years of being interrupted
* Decades of coming last
* Being treated like your needs don't matter
* Saying yes when you meant no
* Performing gratitude for the bare minimum
* Making yourself smaller so others stay comfortable

That rage? It's not irrational. It's overdue.

The Math:
If you have 5 rage moments per week at an average level of 6-7, that's 260 boundary violations per year you're swallowing.
Each one teaches people: "You can do this to her. She won't say anything."
They're not mind readers. They're pattern learners.
You've been teaching them you don't have boundaries.

Now what?
Pick ONE recurring rage trigger. The one that shows up most.
Next time it happens:

Pause. Don't perform nice. Don't clean it up. Don't fix it.
Name it. Out loud. "I'm angry because .....X....."
State the boundary. "This doesn't work for me. Going forward ....Y.... [what you need instead]

It will feel uncomfortable. They might be surprised. You might shake.
Do it anyway.
That's not anger mismanagement. That's boundary enforcement.

Ready to stop swallowing your rage?
Take the Midlife Reset Tool to see which scripts taught you to suppress your anger and people-please yourself to death. Then get the 7-day challenge to trace your rage, name your needs, and express your boundaries without apology.
Stop performing nice. Start being honest.